Disconnected

I'm sitting there
I am here
But I don't feel awake
I feel almost in a dream
Not really sure what's happening
Conscious
But maybe not that aware
 I should be doing math
But I just can't
There are people all around me talking but I can't seem to understand or really hear anyone
There are just lots and lots of noise

I walk down the street
I'm tired
Walking home from school
I'm not good at walking
My day was ok
But overall annoying
I just couldn't think
I couldn't really function
My brain never seemed to wake up
And then at the end of the day in my class, we were done with what we were doing and usually, I would talk to someone or do something productive at this point but instead, I just sat there and read

I'm on my phone
Lying on the couch
I have my computer open
I really should be working on it
But I'm not. I'm already behind
I haven't been reading any of my fave blogs in over two weeks
And I've somehow let my scheduled posts get down to one
When usually I have 5
But guess what?
I'm just on my phone
Mindlessly scrolling through Instagram

I have been feeling super disconnected lately
 But I think that's normal
But hey
I've also had some amazing moments
Mostly around friends
I went to two birthday parties recently
One with a bunch of my old friends
One with a bunch of new
And they just made me smile
When I'm at school and just talking with friends
Probably stealing snacks
Maybe at lunch
We're probably arguing about a book
That's one of my favorite things
And one of the times I truly feel connected to I guess just the world in general

I found this in my journal recently and thought I should share it. I wrote it sometime in February when I wasn't having a very good week. I'm not exactly sure what was happening but I guess I just wasn't motivated to do anything. Which happens. For all the peeps who know me IRL and think I'm always smiling. Guess what? I'm not. I mean I probably am with you. I like people. And being around people. Maybe too much. But when I get home or am alone sometimes my mood can deflate a bit. For the record, I'm currently having a great time and week and month and a couple of months. But I think everyone can just get in their own head sometimes. :)

Should I share more things I've written in my journal? Do you sometimes just feel disconnected?

Hello

HELLO

Is this true?
The dislike I feel

HELLO

I will keep saying it
And saying it
Until finally
Finally, you hear
What I have to say

HELLO

When will you actually listen?

HELLO

You know
Haha
I'm started to wonder
How
And why
We were ever friends

HELLO

You don't even seem to understand me at all

HELLO

With your childish games
You confuse me
I don't think you understand
We're not kids anymore

HELLO

You know I used to look up to you
When we were younger

HELLO

You were this crazy cool individual
Friends with everyone
Didn't care what anyone thought

HELLO

And I loved that
Then we became friends
And it was good

HELLO

But now I'm not so sure

HELLO

You must have changed
But I guess so have I

HELLO

We are just so different now
We've both matured
And that's ok
Maybe one of us more than the other

HELLO

Friends do grow apart
I guess
It's a normal thing

HELLO

Do you realize now how much you meant to me?
I am having a hard time
Coming to peace
With how we really aren't friends anymore
Even when
I don't think you ever thought of us
As true friends

HELLO

Well
I guess

GOODBYE

                                                                                                                              -July 31, 2016

At first when I read this (found it in my notebook) I thought it was about a falling out I had with a friend last year, but the date is totally wrong, so I don't know. It's also kind of terrible and over dramatic, but now you can see how I've gotten better. :) If you haven't already followed me on bloglovin' and Instagram (I just hit 500 on there actually!!), it would make my day if you could! Also, I'm going to be doing a more of these types of posts in the future because I've been writing quite a bit of short story type things and poems like this! 

What type of posts would you like to see more from me? Have you had any bad friend breakups? What's your biggest friend related advice? What time is it where you are right now? Are you a blogger? If so make sure to comment your blog url!